State of the Union: rain likely.

A Pew Research poll recently quizzed Americans on their top concerns as we slide inexorably towards another set of expensively bruising midterm elections. This particular poll wasn't about aspirin's health benefits, or sexiest man alive data (all very critical stuff), but about collective national, political issues/concerns/therapy-inducing anxieties. Unsurprisingly, the economy took top honors, followed closely by terrorism and underwear bombs. Somewhere near the middle might well have been whether George Clooney is sexier than Adrian Brody. He is, although Brody does have an endearingly quirky charm. Then, lead paint on Happy Meal toys, cold cereal as dinner dish, and the cost/benefit concern of sex-change operations. Dead last, at around twenty-five percent was global warming.

Climate change is what we worry about when we have nothing else to worry about, like being able to afford food. In this sense, I'm always relieved when global-warming is atop the list of everybody's worries. It means we're on the right track, that people have jobs to go to, some personal security, and a decent enough plasma television that's big enough to see Terry Bradshaw's pores. Our demands are more than reasonable.

Global warming gets fixated on by smaller, usually centrally-governed socialist non-starter countries like Sweden and France, whose populations give over fifty-percent of their incomes to social-services, and trust their governments to fiddle about in front of cameras, fixing flag pins on their lapels, while mumbling about cap-and-trade and carbon footprints. Here, it gets lip-service at stuffy cocktail parties, where guys wear pleated-corduroy pants, and socks with loafers. Meanwhile, we're buying cheesy-snacks at gas-stations while waiting another gazillion years for a less-lame electric car to emerge from the wreckage of Detroit.

Maybe if the ocean levels rise it'll put California out of its misery, and they'll all come inland like a fleshy typhoon. Iowa could use a population boost. Do I care about climate change? Sure. But it's a distant kind of concern, like having my retinas detaching while driving, finding myself naked in front of the Nobel Committee (could happen), or wondering what I would say if I ever met Adrian Brody.

Which is a legitimate way to think about it. Are we getting more severe weather? Are people still sinking into debt, even as their mansions sink into the Pacific? Yes. The earth is more unstable than Tom Cruise. Maybe we're all doomed, but for now: let's stop electing guys just because they drive pickup trucks and try to turn America's flagging ship around the bend. We're resilient, and we're polled. The masses have spoken: They're recycling their beer cans and submitting resumes.