University Avenue: Fully Accredited in Coo-coo.

It's summer again in Minnesota, and the snow pile in the nearby Sears parking lot finally disappeared, yesterday. To be fair, it was so large it could have had a chalet, chairlift and a Saint Barnard to bring spiced-rum to the stranded, but it's June for the sake of all that's even semi-holy!

Naturally, every inch of asphalt is under construction, adding weeks onto what used to be a simple trip to the grocery store. I now preface any traveling with a weepy 'tell my mother I love her.' Nowhere is it as bad as University Avenue, which was never very passable in the first place. In addition to seasonal construction, the street's length has been split down the center for light-rail installation. Authorities estimate its completion sometime between when mankind develops gills, or the sun explodes.

Driving down University the other day, I was amazed to the point of losing control and crashing the car, at the, um, esoteric blend of personalities that I saw. To wit: A man biking with an eagle tattoo on his chest, and tight denim cutoffs; a man with a handlebar mustache, a derby, and black-suit, who rode a bicycle with a basket on the front, and streamers. Maybe he paid extra for a fancy, time-machine bike. Further down, by the Turf Club, a woman walking in a tight pink shirt, knee-high leather bondage boots, and a fur-lined rabbit hat, with floppy ears. She looked hot. Not that kind of hot, it was eighty-degrees out. Six drivers I passed were deeply committed to nose-picking, and more than a few were singing animatedly. I couldn't make out their words, precisely, but it seemed to be variations on 'please kill me,' and 'I wonder if heaven has an open-bar?'

If you're ever hard-up for entertainment, and can spare several days for the journey, take a spin down University on a warm summer's day. We'll probably have at least a few more of those until Mount Sears reopens to winter explorers.