Adjourned!

Remember in school, when the teacher would dismiss class early? Not just marginally early, either, but enough so to make it seem like a precious social pact had just been forged between educator and educated? My friends and I would roam the empty hallways like burglars, drinking in our small freedoms at the expense of those who were still stuck learning about protons, electrons, and kryptonite. I missed a lot of class.

At work, meetings never let out ahead of schedule. Agenda points that could be summarized with emails, grunts, or non-verbal hand spasms can, within the realm of daily meetings assume United Nations-like contention. Topics that are assumed to have been beaten to death are revived by jutting hands followed by grossly tautological questions that have nothing to do with how badly I need to pee.

Scott, (name not changed out of no concern for privacy), the balding bench warming office manager is notorious at prolonging meetings with such curiously phrased questions as 'So, as far as what you're saying, if I'm hearing you correctly, is that in order for people to access the shared-drive, their computers need to be on?' He prefaces everything he says with 'as far as.'

It makes me wonder if he uses the same intro when getting it on with his wife. 'Honey, as far as me fondling your boobs, I was wondering what your take is on foreplay, as far as the teddy-bear suits we bought just aren't turning me on like I speculated.'