I'm all for comics updating themselves and working for relevency, but I've no interest in strips educating me on the dangers of venerial disease after Jughead gets a blowjob from trampy Betty beneath the bleachers of Riverdale High. They're comics, after all, not opportunities for social commentary and embarassing sexual chat, which we all learned in every health class taught by the teacher that drew the shortest straw (the wrestling coach, usually.)

Or how about an anti-drug sermon when Ox gets busted for juicing during football season, flies into 'roid rage and goes all trenchcoat mafia in the hallways. Let's see Mr. Weatherbee crack down on the student paper when Reggie outs Archie in a tell-all expose; or Mr. Lodge gets caught for insider trading. Archie comics have never been a bastion of laughs, but at least they've been consistently lame.

In other comics related news, to follow-up the Marmaduke folly (hold me!), brain dead studio executives are planning a Family Circus movie. Has it come to this? I understand not every movie can be Cannes approved, but sitting through little Jeffy's malapropisms doesn't sit well with my jumbo box of Butterfingers.

Here's the link to the painful news: http://www.deadline.com/2010/10/fox-walden-media-win-the-family-circus/